Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Sisters and Brothers
My oldest sister is very ill and I'll be going to visit her in Seattle so I won't be posting again for a while. My other two sisters will be joining me there, and it is very likely the last time the four of us will be together. Without going into too much detail, I admit to very, very mixed emotions about this trip and seeing my sisters. I wish things were easier for my sisters and me. The loyalty and support that other siblings seem to enjoy has always been kind of elusive for us and that makes me terribly sad. What about you and your brothers and sisters? Great relationships or awful?
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Mary Jane, I am so sorry to hear about your sister. I can only imagine what a difficult trip this will be for you, not only because of your sister's health, but also because of the complicated familial relationships. I'll certainly keep you and your family in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThough every family has its unique dynamics, I think I can relate in a way. As the youngest of four, I always related to and got along better with my two brothers than with my sister. My brothers and I shared common interests, outlooks on life, even senses of humor. While my sister and I looked alike, we were very different people - different personalities and interests, and we pursued very different paths in life. While I value these sorts of differences in others, in my sister I found them completely frustrating - and I think she felt likewise about me!
When my sister died suddenly 2 years ago, I had such complicated emotions. I wished we had been closer and imagined all of the things we'd never do together and, mostly, I wished I'd figured out a way to put our differences aside. I had a lot of guilt at first, thinking of all the things I should have done to be closer to her and to understand her better, but finally came to understand what I knew objectively - that putting differences aside isn't something I could have done single-handedly; my sister would have had to have done the same to really make our relationship work. Even though I've come to terms with this, I still sometimes think about what things could have been like "if only...," and I miss my sister every day.
are friends with one of those sisters.
ReplyDeleteFinally, I feel so honored to have such an amazing and patient and supportive husband, two kids who I admire so much, friends who are unique and memorable and smart and honest and extraordinary, a job that I love, a life that has been and is so special that I can't be bummed out by family relationships that I have never had any control over. This sounds so callous now that I read it over, but that's how it is.
Linda
Well, isn't that interesting? Two thirds of my comments above, the most brutally honest and callous ones, were whisked away into the digital ether, presumably never to be seen again. The only ones that made it into the comment were those that were positive and praising of my immediate family and my wonderful friends. The only thing to deduce from that is that karma is speaking on my behalf. Far be it from me to argue with karma.
ReplyDeleteLinda
Mary Jane,
ReplyDeleteI'm terribly sorry that you face such a difficult trip and the loss of your sister. We are all with you in thought.
The loss of a sibling is profound regardless of our relationship with them. Saying that out loud sounds strange. I imagine having a close relationship, like friends, would leave a terrible void. If you're not close there can be regrets. My brother and I had an atypical relationship, more parent/child than brother/sister because of his disabilities. I was always pushing him to go to the doctor, take his medicine, attend the day program, in hopes of improving his situation. May 24 would have been his 48 birthday. Of course, I shed a few tear. Had I known his life would have been so short, I would have focused more on living in the moment than pushing him.
Trish is right. We can dwell on regrets or see that we did our best given the circumstances. I'll bet you made the most of it the circumstances.
I wish you peace.
Call or email if there is anything we can do to help you.
Sue