For starters, here is how my August went.
1) Returned from the States on the 5th, said good bye to Tim on the 6th. Okay, maybe you all already know this kind of thing, but I'm slower than the rest of you. I really missed my husband this summer. Of course I've always loved Tim, but for the first time, I understand what people mean when a spouse dies and they say there is a hole in their lives as a result. In the 16 years of our marriage, Tim and I have never been separated for more than a day or two. It was weird Whenever something happened, he wasn't here to tell, when I read something of interest, he wasn't there to share it with, we didn't have our long discussions about politics or kids or work or whatever, he wasn't around to make us laugh, and he wasn't here to hook up the computer to the TV! There was literally something missing in my life, but it didn't have the permanency with it that a death or divorce would entail, so it was like being in limbo. And then, when he came back, everything just fit back into place. It was a real eye-opener for me.
2) I had another fight. This time with some jerk involved with Democrats Abroad. Maybe it was because of my trip home and all the emotions that went with going through some old papers that included the emails, memos and missives that Jeff and I sent back to each other, but when this guy with DAJ started acting like a jerk and making accusations, I just latched on and went after him. Maybe I over reacted, and quite honestly, most of you don't even know what I'm writing about, but the details don't matter, because the thing that bothers me is that I, once again, got involved in a fight/discussion with someone that was not that important. I always say that when someone (like Molly) always has similar relationship problems or recurring fights with someone, then that person should look to themselves to see how they are causing and/or contributing to the problem. Well, that means me, too. Tim always tells to be a duck, let it roll off, and that is a good philosophy, but when I feel something is unfair or just wrong, I can't do that. This guy wrote to a bunch of people insinuating that I and some other members involved in DAJ were acting unfair, undemocratically and unethically. It sounds like something that needed a response, and had he sent it to our membership, then it probably would have required a response. But it was to a small group of people, in the overall scheme of things, it wasn't that important, but at the time, I couldn't let it go. Not because I was offended or angry, but because it was just wrong and I hate passive aggressive people who insinuate and imply things and dirty a situation with negative, subtle undertones. I guess that is why I hate Molly so much. So the real question is, did I take out on that guy all the frustration and negative emotions that I brought back to Japan from my stay with Molly? The simple answer would be yes, but then since I often jump at the same bait, I'm not sure the answer is so simple. Anyway, maybe this is all a little too personal for this kind of blog, but thanks for letting rant/vent. You should have heard my internal discussions two weeks ago--they were NOT so reasonable or logical.
3) All kinds of weird things have happened to me this month. I got a weird, weird, weird, sexually suggestive email from a person who I admire and respect but who is a work contact, and I still don't know how to respond to this. I waited until Tim got home, but now I'm afraid to talk to Tim about it because he knows this person. I found out that a friend of mine, who broke his neck two years ago actually did it by crashing his head through the wall of his apartment and then he had to lay there, with his head in the wall and unable to call for help, for 26 hours until someone stopped by to see why he wasn't answering his phone. Another person who I don't know that well ask me for a lot of money. My leg still hurts...
4) Enough of the bad stuff. On the plus side, I soooooooo enjoyed seeing my friends again this summer. You all have a life full of each other and your dear friends, but it really meant so much to me to be able to spend time, even of only a few hours, with all of you. It's the thing that helped me get through all the other crap that happened while back home. Laura and I had a wonderful time together doing girly things, I started a new hobby of making beads I'm uploading pictures of them next time), and Laura and I are hooked on Project Runway. We saw Tim Gunn on the Daily Show a couple of weeks ago and checked out season 1. We just finished season 2 last night, and I don't know if we'll have time to watch anymore, but it was a fun thing for us to do together. And I was elected again to be Secretary of Democrats Abroad Japan. Those things don't have as much to write about, but they are the things that daily life is made up of, and the things that we'll remember much longer than the bad stuff.
Linda
Humm, a much more eventful summer than mine for sure.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you and Tim must have had a nice reunion. Perhaps it's a little gift to be a bit more grateful for his face every day.
As for the fight, that's a tough one. You say ANOTHER fight. Do these things come up often or did it just feel that way after an extended stay with Molly? You should get a free pass for this one.
In a way it's good to clear the air. I tend to let something go, and let something else go, and let another thing go until the last straw and then there's no return. Not sure either works well.
Sexually explicit email - weird. Once minute life is plodding along normally and then someone does something like that (or starts a fight) and screw it all up. Is the trick to strive for duck like reaction?
As for a friend asking for a lot of money, there a pickle. Though my heart is usually bleeding all over the floor for everyone, that particular problem might be a no-brainer if you don't have a lot of money you won't be needing.
Gary occasionally mentions a Chinese (I think) curse (mainly when speaking of museum people) - May you always live in interesting times. Sound like a recent fortune cookie of yours?
It was good to see you.
Sue
Hi Sue,
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting. Your calm and professional demeanor always help me put things into perspective. Yeah, I get into arguments a lot, and I'm surprised that you ask that after my experience with Jeff. I think I must have a way of speaking my opinion that is a little rough, but I always have to speak my mind, even if it goes against the grain. I do think that many of the arguments I have with people are of my own making, but like I said in the post, it is hard for me to keep quiet if I think something should be said. It's hard to explain without a real example, and it is really something I have to work on on my own anyway. But your way of dealing with things seems to be much more sociable. I only hope holding in all that rage doesn't hurt you in some way. Ha, ha, ha. Just kidding Sue. I just can't even imagine the words Sue Frost and rage together.
I talked to Tim about the weird sexually explicit email after I posted this blog. He said the only way to handle it is to cut that person off. Simple and straightforward. Even if he writes back in future about something normal, I should just not respond. Makes sense to me.
It is nice to know another bleeding heart liberal. I saw something the other day about the possible demise of banks because of micro loans that regular people are offering to others. I love that idea and am thinking about trying it. I'll tell my friend to go visit that site, too, to get a borrowers perspective.
Okay, another problem solved. Now I can get back to bringing health care to the US. I feel so much better. Thanks, Sue.
Linda
Glad you feel better.
ReplyDeleteTim's right on the explicit email. One case where you are best walking away. What would serve as a good reason anyway? This guy might have been throwing out a test balloon to see how you'd react, if you might flirt back or something. Not cool.
Your comment about 'Sue Frost & rage not being in the same sentence' is funny. Perhaps half nature and half nurture (HR training) You can file complaints with all the governing committees, boards, etc. but in the break room you just smile and talk about the weather.
It's not a case of suppressed rage as much as picking my battles. If someone is a repeat offender - hurting, offending, etc. cutting them off (like your email offender) is easier on the stomach lining than expecting them to change.
Anyway, Gary and Lewis know my limits. (Not toward them.)
Over the years both of my brothers experienced sub-standard treatment on various occasions. Impatience, rudeness, dismissed without a proper diagnosis because of their disabilities. Lew's recent illness was one of them, at least initially.
SEETHING isn't strong enough. Lewis saw my expression change and said, "AH-OH, AH-OH, Where are you going? What are you going to say? What are you going to do? Maybe I should go with you. Don't yell at them. wait, wait..."
Gary just says, "You don't want to piss off my wife."
Strong stuff for a Sunday morning - visualize puppies and kittens and babies, la la la.
Fun "chatting."
Sue
I was thinking about your friend who needed a loan. Do you have a lot of contacts with the Democrats Abroad or through your yoga clients? Maybe you can help her find full/part time work.
ReplyDeleteWhat is her expertise? What if she could teach some sort of classes in your studio when you're not using it? Lastly, I often suggest that clients sell their excess stuff (yard sales, ebay, Craig's list, local
resale stores, gold is fetching a lot of money now - all those trinkets from old boyfriends can keep on giving.) Just a thought.
"...I hate passive aggressive people who insinuate and imply things and dirty a situation with negative, subtle undertones." Linda, what a powerful phrase, and boy did it hit a nerve. I'm going to have to spend 6 hours in a car with my MIL next Saturday and words can not describe the dread I feel at losing 6 hours of my life to that upcoming experience. Every time I spend more than an hour with either of my in-laws I come away angry, pissed off, and disliking myself because I can't seem to rise above it.
ReplyDeleteLet me just say this very plainly about Jeff and the whack job that attacked you- they are idiots and asses the both of them. Jeff was an angry, mean-sprited, woman hater. He was a cruel bully and the fact that he was fired gives me a great deal of satisifaction. But actually worse was that no one (Glen and the board) defended us and instead allowed him to treat all of us with contempt and arrogence.
I understand what Tim means about letting thing slide off our backs like a duck, and as a rule I agree with that thinking. but sometimes, just sometimes we have to strike back. Usually, it does no good except that we can come away with the satisifaction that we didn't stand there and take it. I left a job I loved and people that I adored working with because of that little creep, I refused to accept him as my boss and it was the right decision. Even though it looked like a cop out it actually took far more strength and courage for me to leave a place I loved and felt so comfortable, staying would hav been the cop out. Maybe, you needed to strike back and maybe you'll find it did some good. Maybe we all need a good round of verable fisticufs (hmm misppelled that for sure) every 10 years or so...
Anyway, enough about me, you really have had some strange, strange stuff happen to you this summer. I think the mental image I've formed of your freind with his head stuck in a wall for 26 hours is likely to stay with me long time.
Humm, very interesting hearing this talk about DMNH. Explains a lot.
ReplyDeleteDon't know why it looks like someone else made my comment.
ReplyDeleteSue